A Journey of Four-Thousand Miles Begins With One Step

The actual quote, "A journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step." -Lao Tzu, would have been sufficient, but Conor and I are going a lot further than one thousand miles, so I took liberty. Given Lao Tzu died sometime in the 4th Century BC, I'm confident I won't be sued for plagiarism. 

Anyway, in consideration for this journey, we're going to need a lot more than a map. In fact, as I consider where we're going I also have to consider how we get there. Moreover, once we get there where will we stay?  Once we know where we're staying, what will we need? Will we be in hotels? Will we be camping? So many questions! So much to consider... 

Breathe deep, make a decision, execute. That's the best any of us can do, right?

When the idea of The Healing Road came to me, the first question to answer was if it were even possible. After all, I have a career to consider. When I discussed the idea of taking extended leave (4 weeks) with both my boss and my boss' boss, they not only supported the idea but also showed encouragement. I was off and running...  

SIDE-NOTE: To say I'm grateful for my leadership-team in my job would be understating it. They've supported me since the very beginning. And truthfully, they've never really known me without being tethered to a cancer diagnosis; Sara was diagnosed 7 days after I started with Riskonnect. My managers and colleagues stood in my corner while I stood in her corner. Every step of the way... That's not good leadership, that's exceptional leadership. And in my estimation it's how you build a company culture full of champions who'll face down any challenge for the asking. My sincere gratitude goes out to the leadership at Riskonnect. Thank you.

Now that I'm green-lit for the time off this trip would require, I have to consider how we're gonna make it! Questions like:

• What's my budget? (The price of fuel is absurd. Like - ABSURD - but I won't let it stop us.)
• What do we bring? Gear, chairs, cots, grills, tools, tent, lights, etc.
• How will we travel? I've considered everything from pulling a trailer camper, to renting an RV, to retrofitting my 2016 3/4 Ton Chevy Silverado.
• Where will we stay? Through the first part of the journey, we're going through the Southland in July. Ain't nobody "camping" in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and Nevada in July - so that would mean hotels through the first half of the trip.

Given all of those factors, I made the decision to retrofit the truck for camping. It just made more sense to me - especially knowing we're sleeping in hotels for a good portion of the trip. What's more, adding off-road components to the truck gives us flexibility to camp in off-road parks, too, so retro-fitting the Silverado was the decision!

So many realizations have taken place these last years, such that I often have a hard time recounting them all. Appreciating wisdom only comes with experience, the wisdom I've gained through these years is nothing I would wish upon any other person. Ever. But perhaps the greatest realization of all is that I'm not alone. As a caregiver, a husband, a father, a friend, an employee, and a partner, it's easy to become overwhelmed; to shrink in the face of the enormous challenges life can sometimes present... but I learned that if I just reach out my hand... someone will reach back and pick me up. That's as great a realization as any, I think. 

You are not alone. No matter how difficult your climb, you're never alone.

It was this realization that lead me to where I am now. It lead me to the Healing Road. No way could I do what we're planning if it were all up to me. In life there are times when we need our friends and family, and they're all too happy to be there for you. Especially with the understanding that were the situation reversed, you'd be there for them, too. 

I explain all of this as a way to express immeasurable gratitude toward those who have picked me up along the way. The friends and family who have been there for me and for my family are truly remarkable. I live in a neighborhood on Johns Island, SC surrounded by truly amazing people who would stop at nothing to ensure we never wanted for anything - especially near the end of Sara's fight and in the days that followed. Friends to talk to, friends to cry with, friends to eat with, friends to reminisce with, and friends to laugh with... And then I have friends who Conor affectionately calls, "The Goons". 

The Goons are a group of men whom I've been close with, many for more than 30 years but at a minimum more than 20 years. A brotherhood as unique and as tightly bound any I've known. Most of these guys don't live in South Carolina; they're in Northern Virginia where I grew up. Yet the day Sara passed, about ten of them walked through the front door of my house early in the afternoon. They were there to show support, to offer condolences, to mourn the loss of their friend, and to show love above all else. It was remarkable. One of my dearest friends, Jennifer - who'd spent the last week leading up to Sara's passing with me and Conor in our home - stood in the kitchen awe-struck at the sight of each of these men walking into the house one by one, offering a firm handshake and a strong hug. I've come to realize just how unique our collective friendships are, and it's something I'll keep with me always. Though more than that, it's something Conor will be fortunate to grow up with, and undoubtedly he'll be shaped by the experiences shared between us all.

Each of these guys is unique of course, and they all have their own talents - which is a long way to lead me to the point of this post. Once I made the decision to retrofit the truck, I called the man who knows about these things, Nigel West. Nigel is one of those friends whom I've known since my Freshman year in high-school - 35 years if you're scoring at home. Nigel is one of my most trusted confidants, and he would routinely call me just to see how we're doing through the malaise of a long and grinding cancer fight. But he's also someone whom I revere based on his talents, ethic, and knowhow...

As a hobby, Nigel likes to work on cars. This lead him to buying a shop all to himself away from his home where he can go to work on projects a few days a week and just get out of the house. Those hobbies lead him to beginning to modify other people's cars, and then the word began to spread and now he has a full-on side-hustle known as "Eastern Off-Road". When I consulted Nigel as to what I was considering doing to my 6 year old Silverado, it wasn't even a thought for him. He knew what I needed, set expectations as to a budget, discussed the build with me, and set out to ordering parts. After weeks of ordering all of what we would need, and with Conor off at a sleepaway camp outside of Ashville, NC for three weeks, I set out to Northern Virginia to build the truck and see The Goons.

To say this was an involved build would be putting it mildly. Nigel and I spent probably 26 hours over 4 days tearing the truck apart, cutting and drilling, and putting it all back together. The finished product far exceeded expectations, and I'm counting the minutes until I can see Conor's face - because I miss him so, and because his jaw is gonna hit the floor when he sees the new and improved "Ms. Sylvia".

To Nigel, and to all my friends who opened their homes to me, lent me cars, and just made time to hang out - thank you. Sincerely.

And so with one step behind me, I'll continue to plan for our Journey of Four-thousand Miles; only 9 short days away...