Days 5 and 6 - Blue Ridge Beauty and Blue Grass Swelter

 Day 5 - Yellow Spring, WV to Louisville, KY

Waking up, packing up, and breaking camp by 10am was the goal I set for the morning when falling asleep after such a wild and wonderful Fourth of July. Not only did we meet our goal (Ms. Sylvia's tires hit the gravel road at exactly 10am), but it was just in the knick-of-time too, because storms were rolling in; storms that would be with us through virtually all of West Virginia.

The ride to Louisville from Yellow Spring was about 7 hours, but I don't mind the drive. What's more, a very special talent both Conor and his mother possess is their ability to immediately fall asleep in a moving vehicle.  Be it a car, plane, train, or boat, the minute that machine is set in motion, they would knock out. Which is what Conor did for most of the ride. Meanwhile, I softly sing along to the music playing on the radio or otherwise retreat into my head. I think about all the things. The good things, the bad things, the exciting things, the sad things; it's my own version of multi-tasking... Set the cruise control, keep the truck between the lines, and reflect. I appreciate that not everybody likes to drive. In fact, Sara and I were together for 22 years and I can count on one hand the number of times she ever drove me anywhere... and two or three of those times was when she was pregnant and I was overserved. She couldn't stand driving! Me? The more I can see and the more I can ponder, the better. 

In spite of the rain, the ride through West Virginia was absolutely beautiful. If you're like me and you do enjoy a long drive, I highly recommend West Virginia. Its roads are pristine and they tend to run high up along the hollers over bridges and rivers. The views from this vantage point through the Blue Ridge Mountains are breathtaking, even in the rain. From one mountain pass to the next, the low gray clouds seemed to hang along the mountain tops with smaller, wispier white clouds hovering like ghosts in the valleys. A healing road indeed.

Conor did eventually wake up as we were reaching the Western edge of the Blue Ridge mountains. The gray and sullen skies made way for a groggy young boy to do some reflecting of his own. It was clear what was on his mind, and despite his looking out the passenger side window away from me, I could feel his sadness. I tried sheepishly to talk with him as well as ask him if he'd like to talk with me. He just shook his head and stared out the window while the big black truck lumbered down the mountain highway.

Being a father is the greatest gift I've ever received. For that, I'm eternally indebted to Sara. I'm so incredibly proud to be Conor's father, not even I - as verbose as I can be - can put it into words. And without question, the hardest thing I've experienced in my life is seeing him hurt. Especially with the knowing that it's impossible to take it away. Nothing I can do. Pain, like anything else, is a process. A process specific to the individual. This journey we're on. This adventure. All this time we're spending is to help with the grieving process. But his pain is his and his alone. This is his Healing Road. And so I bite my lip and allow him to feel whatever it is he's feeling.

About an hour later, Conor's melancholy turned to excitement. We were nearing Louisville and the chance to see and play with his four cousins began to build.

We were on the way to stay with my sister, Tracy, for two days. Her kids, Travis (nearly 12) and Kailyn (10 years old) were excited to see and spend time with Conor, too. They share a rather unfortunate bond in that their dad, my brother-in-law, Kenny, passed away two years ago August of a heart attack. These kids have experienced everything Conor is experiencing and the opportunity to spend some time as a family - distant as we are - was something everyone looked forward to.

Conor and I were ripe when we darkened Tracy's doorstep; neither of us had showered in over two days and we came walking in the door looking like Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown. We gave some very quick hugs and then charged up the stairs with our bags to pull out some clean clothes and get showered. And let me tell you, that shower was a game changer!

Tracy and Jose (Tracy's boyfriend) were excited to take us to dinner down on the Ohio River, and Conor and I were refreshed and ready to roll. The most fun part about this little excursion was that Tracy bought a brand new 2022 Ford Bronco only a few months prior. Given that I've turned my 6,000lb truck into the lumbering giant that it is, it's now untenable to drive around town; not exactly a grocery-go-getter. I've been considering a second car for Conor and I since before the Silverado build, and the Bronco was one of the vehicles under consideration. Tracy threw me the keys and all the kids piled in with me and down the road we went. I'm pleased to announce that a new Bronco is absolutely in our future! Both Conor and I loved the truck and decided then and there that when we're home, we're placing our order.

The evening ended with Travis handing me his guitar - a gift he received that he's never played or tuned - and asking me to play a bit. I did so with glee! A wonderful day with family was had by all. 

Day 6 - Louisville, KY

The comfortable temperatures of the West Virginia mountains turned to a mid summer's swelter as we moved West into the Blue Grass State. The heat index on this day was 105. Only one thing to do when it's 105 degrees outside - go to the pool! Fortunately, Tracy belongs to a country club here in Louisville called "Woodhaven". Fantastic place! Two pools, a bar, fresh food, and even a small lake toward the back of the property; Jose took all the kids fishing at one point, leaving me with a bit of quiet time that I was all too happy to have.

Joining our rabble would be my nieces, Kinsley (13) and Brantley (10), as well as their mom, my sister-in-law, Ellie. I absolutely loved having the opportunity to hang out with all my nieces and nephew. Because of the distance between Charleston and Louisville, and given Sara's diagnosis and all that came with it, time spent with the kids has been scarce. Most unfortunately, my last visits to Louisville have been around my mother's passing on March 26th, 2020, and Kenny's passing 5 months later. The hollow shroud of death has hit our family hard these last two years, but we Yerkes are Oaks - we are not Willows. Brighter days are ahead. Winston Churchill once said, "When going through hell, keep going." That's as sage advice as any, I'd say.

Given what's been explained above, it also bears mentioned that Ellie, Kinsley, and Brantley have experienced a loss not all to dissimilar from death. Unfortunately, they've been working through the process of divorce, as well. There's much more to that story, but it's not mine to tell. Regardless, for the same reasons that Conor, Travis, and Kailyn were excited to be together, so too were Kinsley and Brantley. Now, Kinsley is an amazing kid, but she's also a teenager and wasn't too keen to hang out with the youngsters (and who can blame her?!), but she was happy enough to see us all I think, and that's enough for me. Brantley, or "Little Bee" as we call her, was all too happy to join the rabble! I spent the day throwing, splashing, dunking, and wrestling them all, as well as judging best dive, best trick off the diving board, funniest move off the diving board, you name it. And I couldn't have been happier to do it.

It occurred to me at one point that all of these children - my very own flesh and blood - have experienced hurt and loss the likes of which no child should. Ever. Their collective experiences are their own, and all 5 kids are thriving, but that doesn't make it fair. Because it's not. We've all heard it said before, "Life is unfair." but that colloquial expression doesn't excuse such devastating loss. Suddenly, "Uncle Shane" felt like much more than a branch on a family tree. It feels more like a responsibility bestowed to me, and that's not something I take lightly. 

Later in the day I was happy to have had the opportunity to attend Kinsley and Brantley's swim-meet, as well as spend time with Ellie. Ellie and Sara colorfully once referred to themselves as "the outlaws" and they would talk often. Not long before Sara passed, Ellie shared a conversation where Sara asked Ellie to be sure to keep the girls in touch with Conor. She wanted him to know his cousins. His family...

After separate conversations with both Tracy and Ellie, I'm committing to be more present in all of their lives in spite of the distance between Louisville and Charleston, because if I am nothing else in this world, I will be a trusting ear and a guiding word for them all - should they so choose. We may all be a little broken, but I'll be dammed if I'll miss the opportunity to be the glue that can put us back together. Or at least try.

First unexpected turn of being On the Healing Road - it's not just Conor and I who are healing. And we loved our time in Louisville. Now it's off to points South and a bit more time with family in Arkansas. But not before stopping at the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid of Memphis!

And down the Healing Road we ALL go...